you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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