Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
