I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
