I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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