I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
