omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
