chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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