What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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