I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i came on her dog
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
