he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize