I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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