I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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