A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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