I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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