My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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