I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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