Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
