"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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