Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
