I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
