My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize