Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
