I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
