She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
