what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
