Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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