my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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