I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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