Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
