i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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