I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
