It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
