you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
