I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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