fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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