Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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