where am i from again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
