mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
