I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
