Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
