all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
