You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How does one acquire holy water?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
