don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
