Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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