On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
