Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
