I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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