Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
