Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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