One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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