I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
