We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
