i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
