Your dad touched me again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
