they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
