is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love you.
Bad choice
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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