four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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