are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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