Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
