You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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