I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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